To be or not to be - Who cares!

London (T2N2) A post-modernist rendition of Shakespeare's immortal play Hamlet, running to packed houses here, has enraged literary purists who say the new version is 'disgusting' and 'unpalatable'.

Unruly Kid productions started performing the kitschy Bollywood-style Hamlet at Queen's Hall on October 15.

According to director Kelton John, elements of tragedy have been deliberately suppressed to make way for what audiences of the 21st century want - Happy Endings.

Deviating from the Shakespearian plot, the play depicts Hamlet as an ambitious prince who kills tyrant Claudius the minute he gets the message from his father's ghost.

Though Ophelia and Gertrude are very much present, the roles of Laertes and Polonius have been cut to accommodate dance sequences set to music by rock band Metallica and India's Shankar-Ehsan-Loy.

"People were getting bored with the concept of the tragic hero. They needed a new hero who takes revenge and enjoys his life too," says John.

Hamlet's celebrated aporia, including his To be or not to be speech, is totally missing from the new production.

In the biggest twist, Hamlet does not die at the end of the play, which sees him cavorting with beloved Ophelia in a 'happily ever after' dream sequence set to Nach Baliye from the Hindi blockbuster Bunty aur Babli.(T2N2)

We are down but not out

New Delhi (T2N2) This online newspaper has been temporarily shut down. It's offices have been raided by FBI agents mad at our discovering the truth behind George Bush' parentage.

While we sort out this mammoth mess, we can only assuage the feelings of our sympathisers with one teeny-weeny promise a la Arnie - We'll be back. (T2N2)

Mystikata falls in love with Priyanka

New Delhi (T2N2) Political circles were agog this week with news that mosquitoes had been detected in the servant quarters of Priyanka Gandhi Vadra's residence. But not everyone knows there's a love story behind it all.

Mystikata, an Aedes Aegypti mosquito interviewed by T2N2, has professed her undying love for the daughter of UPA chairperson Sonia Gandhi.

Apparently a regular at Vadra's VIP residence, Mystikata has been smitten by Priyanka's charms, fair skin and of course "yummy blood."

On Wednesday, a news agency quoted an New Delhi Municipal Council employee as saying that Priyanka had been warned to take precautions and check the breeding of dengue mosquitoes at her home.

But Mystikata remains unperturbed and vows not to leave the place.

"After all, I belong to a royal family. We have been serving the Gandhi family for generations. I even remember Rajiv...Ooh! he was so handsome and tasty...and I remember my great-great grandmother Kuchkata telling me just how delicious Nehru had been."

According to the mosquito, not every Tom, Dick and Harry can dare to bite a member of India's most famous family.

"We have dynasty rule here too. Only the most pure ones, claiming descent from Queen Hairekata (she tasted the blood of sepoy Mangal Pandey in 1857) can lay claim to serving the Gandhi family."

Mystikata is also proud of her clan's achievements this year - The national capital has reported 244 cases of dengue this year compared to 83 last year. (T2N2)

Iran to stop exporting buckets to India

New Delhi (T2N2) India's crucial vote supporting the IAEA resolution against Iran has come back to haunt us.



Irritated by the Janus-faced politics of the ruling UPA government, Iran's Ambassador Zargar Yaghoubi today delivered an angry missive to President A P J Abdul Kalam from his Iranian counterpart Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.



Sources told us Iran has decided to stop exporting its world-class series of Plastoran buckets to India.



Plastorans are known for their durability and are the favourites in the bucket category worldwide. In fact, India imports 2.5 lakh such buckets from Iran each year.



Although Yaghoubi declined to talk to the media, highly-placed sources told us Iran was miffed by India's attitude and has withdrawn the one item on its export list that would cause India "much pain" and "regret."



According to Congress leader and former Minister of State for External Affairs Salman Khurshid, efforts are being made to smoothen ruffled feathers and political expediency might just save the day for India.

"All are certainly missing the Plastoran buckets. But I am not saying all is lost. There is still time for discussions and India may still hang on to Iran's world-class buckets."

Experts agree that Iran might retract this harsh decision once India votes in favour of our 'bucket' friend at the November meet of the IAEA. (T2N2)