Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Wanted: A bride for Ajmal Kasab

NEW DELHI (T2N2) - Prison officials at Mumbai’s Arthur Road Jail are on the lookout for a bride for its most famous occupant -- Ajmal Amir Kasab.

Kasab turns 25 on Sept. 13 and the young man, on death row in the 2008 Mumbai attacks case, has reportedly expressed a longing for wedded bliss.

Critics are divided on whether Kasab can be described as India’s most eligible bachelor, considering he is of Pakistani origin.

Kasab, who single-handedly mowed down scores of commuters with his AK-47 at Mumbai’s main train station on Nov. 26, 2008, hasn’t worked for a living since.

Now ensconced at the Arthur Road facility, Kasab has a high-security cell all to himself, where he spends time reading books in Urdu and exercising to keep fit. Jail buffets can’t compete with five-star hotel menus, but this valuable prisoner can’t complain about not getting chicken any more -- after all, recent studies have shown vegetarian food has more health benefits.

Kasab also has an exclusive bullet-proof ward at a Mumbai hospital, in case he ever falls sick -- which is unlikely, since his health is monitored regularly by doctors who dote on him in jail.

Indeed, several firms have requested Kasab to endorse life insurance policies, since he’s so confident of dying a natural death despite court verdicts that are not in his favour.

The Maharashtra government has already spent over 260 million rupees on his upkeep -- a luxury denied even to the heirs of Indian billionaires.

Prison officials are planning to organise a television reality show for Kasab to choose his own bride. The lucky winner will be allowed to spend time in the jail facility for conjugal visits. Laziness is a prerequisite as the bride will be expected to adapt to Kasab’s happy-go-lucky lifestyle in jail. (T2N2)

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Saturday, April 19, 2008

Sania Mirza to play tennis on Mars

NEW DELHI (T2N2) Indian tennis star Sania Mirza will play an exhibition tennis match on the planet Mars in December in what is being seen as yet another attempt to attract space tourists to the Red planet.

Mirza has agreed to play a match on a makeshift tennis court on Olympus Mons, the highest known mountain in the Solar System.

"I know it will be tough -- playing tennis in a spacesuit is not easy but the experience would be great," the 21-year-old told T2N2 on Friday.

There is no word yet on the identity of Mirza's opponent in the match but ATP and WTA spokespersons said no other professional tennis player had been asked to play.

A source in the Indian government said the match might be a ploy by some Indian fundamentalists to banish Mirza from the country and lock her away on Mars.

A Muslim organisation which had issued a fatwa against the tennis player for playing in short skirts said its members were confused if the decree was valid in outer space.

"I guess if she is playing in a spacesuit, it's okay. We might even send some representative to Mars to cheer her to victory, especially if her opponent is wearing short skirts," a spokesperson said on condition of anonymity. (T2N2)

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Indian stray dogs world's sexiest: Report

NEW DELHI (T2N2) Indian stray dogs are set to give desi men a complex. A study released today by an international dog-lovers club 'We Love Animals' has rated them the world's sexiest.

The lowly mongrel beat dogs from around the world, including pedigreed dogs from India, when it came to "prowess in bed," the report said.

"They may not be much to look at but female dogs around the world love them anyways," a spokesperson for the NGO said.

[Image: four-block moku hanga print of Indian stray dog by Serendipity Artist]

The study found that Indian stray dogs romped home on the sexiness quotient both in terms of endurance power and ability to satisfy their "spouses."

During the study, 1756 bitches of various breeds were given leeway to consummate relationships with a dog of their choice.

An overwhelming majority of 1301 zeroed in on the Indian mongrel, which top-scored in categories like 'body-odour, 'curvature of tail', 'shapeliness of the femural bone' and 'licking ability'.

Despite its small size, the Brazilian Chihuahua was adjudged the runner-up, garnering the affections of 91 bitches while the German Shepherd was the chosen mutt for 81.

Interestingly, the British Bulldog remained the hapless bachelor with even the bitch of the same species refusing to entertain his woofs.(T2N2)
(This post was first published on June 27, 2005)

US-India nuke deal hinges on Banarasi sarees

NEW YORK (T2N2) Despite hectic lobbying in political circles to either clinch or scrap the Indo-US deal, the outcome of the nuclear accord may well depend on - believe it or not - sarees.

India has gifted a pure Banarasi silk saree to each US Congressman, State Department sources said here.

The offer comes at a time when interest in Indian apparel is at an all-time high and the wives of US Congressmen may be tempted to persuade their spouses to see the deal through, the sources said.

Apparently, apprehensions were high in India that Bush would not be able to clinch the deal on his own steam, and the freebie sarees were needed to bring the Congress around.

The Indian saree, espoused by several Hollywood leading ladies, has in the last couple of years caused a sartorial revolution in the fashion streets of Milan and Paris. (T2N2)
(This post was first published on March 26, 2006)

Sunday, April 29, 2007

CBI in New York to arrest Richard Gere

NEW DELHI (T2N2) A two-member team of India's Central Bureau of Investigation is in New York to arrest Richard Gere, a ministry source told T2N2.

Gere, who had sparked off sporadic protests in some cities when he kissed Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty at an anti-AIDS event, now faces three months in an Indian jail for violating obscenity laws.

An arrest warrant in the actor's name was issued by a Jaipur court earlier this week. The CBI officials have been asked to track down Gere and bring him back to India to face trial. Ministry officials were wary of divulging further details but said the task would not be an easy one considering Gere is on U.S. soil.(T2N2)

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Sunday, March 25, 2007

Kabaddi new national game for India

NEW DELHI (T2N2) Alarmed over embarrassing defeats in hockey and cricket, parliamentarians in India have drafted a legislation to make kabaddi the national game of the country.

Although hockey is nominally the national sport, cricket is the local craze - with the nation coming to a stop every time the Indian cricket team plays. But things have changed since India's infamous loss to minnows Bangladesh in the cricket World Cup.

Kabaddi, a rural sport in which India are still undisputed champions, is now leading in the race to be the official sport of the country.

Closely following on its heels is the number puzzle Sudoku and India's performance in the World Sudoku Championships at Prague might just see this sport becoming the national game.

Parliamentarians are expected to take a decision on the issue by June.(T2N2)

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Monday, March 19, 2007

Dhoni to make West Indies permanent home

PORT OF SPAIN, Trinidad (T2N2) Wicketkeeper Mahendra Dhoni made a surprising announcement today - he won't be going back to India after the cricket World Cup.

The sudden decision comes on the heels of television reports that irate fans had stoned Dhoni's house in Ranchi after India lost to Bangladesh on Saturday.

Dhoni told T2N2 he had already applied for a house permit in Trinidad.

"This is disgusting. One loss and they do this to my house. Why should I go back to India. I will stay here"
Skipper Rahul Dravid told T2N2 he had tried his best to pacify Dhoni but the Ranchi batsman stood by his decision.

Protesters in several Indian cities burned effigies of the country's cricket players and chanted slogans against the team after the shocking loss to Bangladesh. (T2N2)

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