Toddler in the dock for eve-teasing

New Delhi (T2N2) Gullu Sharma, a three-year-old resident of Malviya Nagar has achieved the unenviable distinction of being the youngest person ever to be charged with eve-teasing.

The precocious youngster allegedly committed the crime when he broke into Tu cheez badi hai mast mast and winked at a mini-skirt clad teenager on Wednesday.

Gullu was caught by an alert bystander who took him to the area police station where the toddler succumbed to the temptation of a chocolate bar and pleaded guilty.

However, in view of his young age, Gullu is likely to be released on parole or sentenced to community service.

The eve-teasing case has made it to the limelight after a similar case in Patna.

Neighbours say Gullu started showing his true colours immediately after birth. The newborn peed on the doctor who delivered him and winked at a nurse.

Over the next two years, the toddler built up a song bank of eight Bollywood chartbusters and perfected 17 styles of flirting. However, he had not been previously caught by police. (T2N2)

India's top cosmetic surgeon to fix PMO mole

New Delhi (T2N2) Relenting to BJP leader Jaswant Singh's demands on the mole in the PMO, Prime Minister Manmohan Singh today said he has hired the country's top cosmetic surgeon Dr Sudhakar Prasad to cut away the congenital eyesore.

"Jaswant should have pointed out years ago that he didn't like the mole. We didn't do anything till now because we regarded the mole as a beauty spot," the prime minister told T2N2.

Prasad and his team of doctors are scheduled to perform the cosmetic operation at South Block on Monday.

Jaswant Singh has written extensively about the mole in his book 'A Call to Honour' and has devoted entire chapters tracing the growth and history of the said mole since 1947.

He has alleged that the mole is now giving US citizens free access to India's culinary secrets and musical treasures.

"The mole has grown to about a foot in size and has inadvertently started transmitting programmes aired on Radio Mirchi to the US. I am not saying this is bad but then the West has already stolen things like Indian basmati. They will now copy Indian music," the BJP leader told T2N2.

The former External Affairs minister refused to name the mole in the PMO and said some people might be offended if he gave it a moniker.

"The mole has fans and admirers and they might file a legal suit against me. And who knows whether the mole itself is civil or uncivil," he said.

Expressing his happiness with the prime minister's decision, Singh said he would now devote his spare time to scrutinising pimples, blackheads and warts in the PMO. (T2N2)

Hollywood offer may solve NKorean stand-off

United Nations (T2N2) Although North Korea has rejected a UN resolution condemning its missile launches, officials reveal a Hollywood deal might just smoothen things out.

North Korea has apparently requested the US to consider giving South Korean actor Cha In Pyo a starring role in a major Hollywood production.

UN officials claim that the US is mulling the option, which could lead to lasting peace in the Korean Peninsula and stave off the threat of impending war.

"Well, the film may tank at the box-office but we will be able to avoid a nuclear build-up in the region. Hollywood can surely make that sacrifice," an official said on condition of anonymity.

Pyo, who is known for his role in this year's Korean film Hanbando, is quite popular in North Korea but is virtually unknown in America.(T2N2)

Americans stumped by World Cup football

New York (T2N2) Claims that the 2006 World Cup final between Italy and France was watched by millions in the US may be hogwash, says a new survey.

A Bemakch firm survey reveals that 67 per cent of Americans did not know what football was and only 3 per cent US citizens were aware that the World Cup was on.

"The third question in our survey was about the World Cup venue. But we didn't bother asking it," says researcher David Hoozer.

For the record, 10,745 randomly chosen people in the 16-25 agegroup across the US were quizzed about the game after Italy beat France in Berlin to win their fourth World Cup on Sunday.

The survey found that only 23 per cent of America knew that Uncle Sam actually has a football team, which bowed out in the World Cup league stage last month. (T2N2)

India relies on 'football spirit' campaign

Lucknow (T2N2) School and college authorities in the capital of Uttar Pradesh have launched a special campaign to inculcate the "football spirit" in the region.


Coming as it does at the fag end of the football World Cup in Germany, the campaign is one of many drives undertaken across the country to help India qualify for the 2010 edition of the FIFA championships.

Officials admit it's a tough task, given that many youngsters here still refer to the goalkeeper as the wicket-keeper.

"It's the cricket syndrome. Everyone here is obsessed with cricket. But we feel things could certainly change in four years," says Pratap Verma, principal of the New Dawn school here.

Sports coaches feel that inculcating a football spirit among youngsters through classes and training camps is the first step towards finding new talent to replace the ageing national football team.

They also agree that despite the football craze in Goa and West Bengal, the game needs to be popularised in other states to give it a more national outlook. (T2N2)

Indian fans hope to poach Vikash Dhorasoo

Berlin (T2N2) A group of Indians arrived in Germany this month but unlike millions of football fans, they are not here to watch the World Cup.

Biren Dasgupta is among a dozen football lovers from Kolkata who are here to persuade Vikash Dhorasoo to leave France and play for India.

Born in Mauritius to migrant parents, Dhorasoo became the first player of Indian parentage to play in the World Cup finals when he took to the field for the France-Switzerland league match.


But his fans believe Dhorasoo's inclusion in India's national team would boost its chances of qualifying for the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

"We are languishing at 117 on the FIFA charts. We want Dhorasoo and Bhaichung Bhutia to work together to improve our chances in the next World Cup," says Dasgupta.

The group has been unable to meet Dhorasoo till now but hopes to secure an audience with him before the World Cup gets over.

The 32-year-old Paris St Germain midfielder was not available for comment. (T2N2)

'India can win 2010 football World Cup'

New Delhi (T2N2) India beats Brazil to win World Cup. Stumped? But football authorities here believe that this could be a front-page headline in the country's newspapers in 2010.

Officials at the All India Football Federation confirm that a series of classified briefings held recently focused on easing India into the top echelons of football-playing nations in the next three years.

The AIFF is pumping in a lot of money to hold training camps and find new talent to replace its current national team, which is ranked at a measly 117 on the FIFA list.

"Plus British coach Bob Houghton has been specially recruited to make this dream a reality," says one official.

India last qualified for the World Cup in Brazil in 1950. And officials believe that 60 years later, India will be one of the 32 nations battling it out in South Africa for the Jules Rimet trophy. (T2N2)

Fear of 666 grips Indian village

Kinnamoochi (T2N2) Most folks in this nondescript village in the Indian state of Kerala are terrified of what may happen tomorrow.

They suffer from Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia - the fear of the number 666. For those who still haven't understood what the problem is, June 6 this year can also be written as 06/06/06.

The number has been traditionally associated with the number of the devil or the Anti-Christ and gains notoriety because of its mention in Chapter 18 Verse 18 of the Book of Revelation.

"Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is six hundred threescore and six."

The number holds special significance for Kinnamoochi village because it's number 666 on the country's official register of villages.

In fact, the Christian-dominated village is observing a voluntary curfew tomorrow with most residents feeling they would be safer at home than outside.

Local police said schools, offices and streets are likely to be deserted for the next 24 hours - at least till the "safe arrival" of June 7.

Some villagers have stocked up on rations for a month fearing war, pestilence and even the end of the world. (T2N2)

Cancan steals the show at Cannes

Cannes (T2N2) A group of amateur cancan dancers here is trying its best to make this year's Cannes film festival the most memorable one yet.

The 16 members of the 'Come Cancan' troupe spend hours regaling visitors with impromptu performances at this fashionable resort town on the French Riviera.

Troupe manager Jacques LeBlanc says he wants to synergise the French experience at the annual extravaganza, amalgamating dance with the visual media.

The cancan - a lively dance of French origin - is performed chiefly by women and is marked by high kicking. Within decades of its development in Paris in the early 19th century, the dance form quickly made its way into revues and stage productions.

LeBlanc believes that catching tourists unawares with performances at pubs and cafes is the best way to show them the "true" Cannes.

"In fact, we are thinking of changing the name of our troupe to 'Come Cancan at Cannes'. Sounds great, doesn't it?"

In case you thought the 2006 film festival was only about The Da Vinci Code and X-Men: The Last Stand, think again - you might just be missing out on the Cannes cancan. (T2N2)

US stance on Iran a 'load of crap'

Washington (T2N2) A senior US diplomat has claimed that the Bush administration's threat to invoke sanctions against Iran for alleged nuclear activity is just a "load of crap".

Speaking on condition of anonymity, the US State Department official also told T2N2 that chances of a military showdown with Iran were "absolutely zero".

The comments came ahead of Friday's deadline set by the UN Security Council for Tehran to freeze uranium enrichment work as a confidence-building measure.

"With President George W Bush already facing a slide in popularity over the fiasco in Iraq, do you think he will dare to even think of a repeat in Iran."

According to the official, the best friends of both of the President's daughters are from Tehran. Plus, Bush loves Iranian food and has many friends from the country.

"Bush has several icecream buddies in Iran. There's no chance he will actually jeopardize their friendship for some rotten nuclear activity which is unlikely to bear fruit anyway.

"So why the posturing? As a world superpower, the US needs to assert its presence and bully other countries. It's only bark, no bite."

Meanwhile, reports of several Iranian restaurants in the US capital pulling down their shutters have sent White House officials into a tizzy. (T2N2)

UK town secures itself after terror threat

London (T2N2) Following reports of an al-Qaeda threat, the residents of Wousehode, 40 miles south of the capital, are trying their best to secure their town from any terror attack.

Over the past week, roads leading to the town were painstakingly "wiped" out to prevent vehicles from coming in. Guards have been posted at every nook and corner and every registered citizen has been provided with guns to protect themselves, official sources said.

The measures were taken after an anonymous letter addressed to Wousehode mayor, Doug Heffernan, claimed that the al-Qaeda was preparing for a series of attacks on the nondescript town.

According to Heffernan, residents took matters into their own hands after Scotland Yard refused to pay any credence to the conspiracy theory.

Meanwhile, government sources said they will be looking into the incident.(T2N2)

Forget about Memory pills

New Delhi (T2N2) Goodbye memory pills. Indian scientists at the Memory Institute here have come up with 'Forget' - a pill that actually helps you forget incidents.

Stumped? Well, Raj Shekhar and his team of researchers say that people are eager to forget a lot of unhappy events in their life - the death of a loved one, a traumatic divorce or even the day your Board Exam results came through.

The pill works by forcing the consumer to briefly focus on a facet of the incident and then wipes it out completely from their memory. But what's in the wonder drug? Shekhar refuses to tell us - for now.

"We aren't ready to reveal the ingredients just yet. Foreign multinationals are ever ready to claim stuff invented or perfected by Indians as their own. Take basmati rice for example."

That may be true but will the global community accept a pill that could make incidents depicted in the Hollywood flick Fifty First Dates a lot more common.

The scientists are adopting a 'wait and watch' attitude preferring instead to continue with tests in control groups. But Shekhar promises to reveal more about the wonder pill by the end of this year.

Seems like we will have to take a memory pill to help us remember not to 'forget' about it. (T2N2)

US-India nuke deal hinges on Banarasi sarees

Washington (T2N2) Despite hectic lobbying in political circles to either clinch or scrap the Indo-US deal, the outcome of the nuclear accord may well depend on - believe it or not - sarees.

India has gifted a pure Banarasi silk saree to each US Congressmen, State Department sources said here.

Currently, a draft legislation on the nuclear accord has been sent to the US Congress by the Bush administration and officials in India are hoping against hope the sarees might just do the trick.

The offer comes at a time when interest in Indian apparel is at an all-time high and the wives of US Congressmen may be tempted to persuade their spouses to see the deal through, the sources said.

Apparently, apprehensions were high in India that Bush would not be able to clinch the deal on his own steam, and the freebie sarees were needed to bring the Congress around.

The Indian saree, espoused by several Hollywood leading ladies, has in the last couple of years caused a sartorial revolution in the fashion streets of Milan and Paris.(T2N2)

NY firm sells water at USD 50 a barrel

New York (T2N2) Samuel Taylor Coleridge's immortal verses on water in Rime of the Ancient Mariner have been cleverly adopted by 21st century pundits to drive home the Save Water campaign.

But even the 19th-century poet would have been astounded by the lengths to which man would go to ensure water supply for himself.

A US company here is doing just that - cashing in on people's fears of a waterless future - and selling water at 50 dollars per barrel. The firm, which calls itself Secure Water for Your Future (SWYF), says it will store water in fortified cryogenised tanks with unique passwords for its paying customers.

These containers will be opened in 2050, at which time the customers or their heirs will be given back the water - to use as they please.

"At that time, a glass of water is estimated to be worth around 100 dollars. We are enabling people to gift their children water security for the future," says company CEO Doug Heffernan.

Surprisingly, sales have been brisk with 45,000 barrels of water sold since the start-up began its scheme in January this year.(T2N2)

Kidney helps Eve get new-age Adam

New Delhi (T2N2) Rakesh Mathur may not be liking it but his wife Hemlata sure is.

Ever since Mathur underwent a kidney transplant in December last year, this Mongolpuri resident has been exhibiting all the traits of a homemaker.

And why is Hemlata happy with all this? Well, her lazy good-for-nothing husband has suddenly started helping around the house, assisting her with the laundry, the dishes and even changing son Chintu's diapers.

Doctors now suspect that Mathur was given the kidney of a woman and that his newly-acquired habits are vestiges of the deceased woman's traits.

According to kidney specialist Montu Jain, a woman's kidney is radically different from that of a man and responds strongly to external stimuli such as bawling babies, dirty shoes or mangy dogs.

"This particular woman seems to be wielding an extraordinary influence on Mathur. We are closely studying the phenomenon. Nobody's complaining, so we are not thinking of another kidney transplant on Mathur just yet."

Not that Mathur is overjoyed about the whole thing. The 35-year-old chartered accountant says he's happy to help his wife but the time he spends picking up homemaker skills have put paid to drinking sessions with his male colleagues. (T2N2)

India gets 365 Umbrella Days in office

New Delhi (T2N2) The Indian government has authorised the use of umbrellas inside government offices even on non-rainy days.

The Perennial Umbrellas in Government Offices (PUGO) Act 2005 is set to come into force by February after the bill was passed by a majority in both Houses of Parliament yesterday.


According to official sources, people all over India had been eagerly awaiting the Act which has been in the offing for several long years.

"Instead of waiting for government officials to wake up from their siestas and finish pending work, colleagues can now merely poke them with umbrellas. It's a great relief for our throats which had turned hoarse from shouting."

All umbrellas be it parasols or toy versions of all hues would come under the purview of the PUGO Act.

However, the Act will not be enforced in private sector offices as the workaholic ambience coupled with the boss's high blood pressure is considered sufficient antidote to any propensity for falling asleep on the job. (T2N2)

How hic hic Bush vexed Abbas

Washington (T2N2) Newly declassified documents have revealed that US President George W Bush may be indirectly responsible for the current deadlock in the Middle East peace talks. His crime - Hiccupping.

Two years ago, when Bush met Palestinian Prime Minister Mahmoud Abbas at the White House, Abbas had seemed ready to do anything to procure lasting peace between Israel and Palestine, says an excerpt from a CIA document.

"Unfortunately, just as Abbas was about to sign on the US-brokered roadmap, Bush hiccupped - loudly. A startled Abbas looked up even as the president hiccupped again...and again. When Bush started on his fourteenth hiccup, a visibly-irritated Abbas left the room."

Though under heavy pressure at home to make concrete progress with Bush on the roadmap, Abbas never returned to sign the document. Following a joint news conference where the matter was not discussed, the Palestinian prime minister left for the airport.

White House aides told T2N2 that Bush frequently falls prey to bouts of hiccupping. Many of these have unfortunately struck him during important meetings and who knows - may have inevitably changed the course of history as we know it.

And how does the President get cured? We got our answer, albeit on condition of anonymity, from one of his aides.

"We have tried everything. But he seems to react best to eating peanut butter. So, we have stocked up every possible room here with the president's favourite brand."

Still, that's a temporary solution. Who knows how many more world leaders will Dubya irritate with his untimely hiccups?

After all, Welshman John Francis Crosland has been hiccupping for more than 40 years.(T2N2)

To be or not to be - Who cares!

London (T2N2) A post-modernist rendition of Shakespeare's immortal play Hamlet, running to packed houses here, has enraged literary purists who say the new version is 'disgusting' and 'unpalatable'.

Unruly Kid productions started performing the kitschy Bollywood-style Hamlet at Queen's Hall on October 15.

According to director Kelton John, elements of tragedy have been deliberately suppressed to make way for what audiences of the 21st century want - Happy Endings.

Deviating from the Shakespearian plot, the play depicts Hamlet as an ambitious prince who kills tyrant Claudius the minute he gets the message from his father's ghost.

Though Ophelia and Gertrude are very much present, the roles of Laertes and Polonius have been cut to accommodate dance sequences set to music by rock band Metallica and India's Shankar-Ehsan-Loy.

"People were getting bored with the concept of the tragic hero. They needed a new hero who takes revenge and enjoys his life too," says John.

Hamlet's celebrated aporia, including his To be or not to be speech, is totally missing from the new production.

In the biggest twist, Hamlet does not die at the end of the play, which sees him cavorting with beloved Ophelia in a 'happily ever after' dream sequence set to Nach Baliye from the Hindi blockbuster Bunty aur Babli.(T2N2)

We are down but not out

New Delhi (T2N2) This online newspaper has been temporarily shut down. It's offices have been raided by FBI agents mad at our discovering the truth behind George Bush' parentage.

While we sort out this mammoth mess, we can only assuage the feelings of our sympathisers with one teeny-weeny promise a la Arnie - We'll be back. (T2N2)

Mystikata falls in love with Priyanka

New Delhi (T2N2) Political circles were agog this week with news that mosquitoes had been detected in the servant quarters of Priyanka Gandhi Vadra's residence. But not everyone knows there's a love story behind it all.

Mystikata, an Aedes Aegypti mosquito interviewed by T2N2, has professed her undying love for the daughter of UPA chairperson Sonia Gandhi.

Apparently a regular at Vadra's VIP residence, Mystikata has been smitten by Priyanka's charms, fair skin and of course "yummy blood."

On Wednesday, a news agency quoted an New Delhi Municipal Council employee as saying that Priyanka had been warned to take precautions and check the breeding of dengue mosquitoes at her home.

But Mystikata remains unperturbed and vows not to leave the place.

"After all, I belong to a royal family. We have been serving the Gandhi family for generations. I even remember Rajiv...Ooh! he was so handsome and tasty...and I remember my great-great grandmother Kuchkata telling me just how delicious Nehru had been."

According to the mosquito, not every Tom, Dick and Harry can dare to bite a member of India's most famous family.

"We have dynasty rule here too. Only the most pure ones, claiming descent from Queen Hairekata (she tasted the blood of sepoy Mangal Pandey in 1857) can lay claim to serving the Gandhi family."

Mystikata is also proud of her clan's achievements this year - The national capital has reported 244 cases of dengue this year compared to 83 last year. (T2N2)